From Ken

I've hesitated to write before, but feel like I should take a few minutes and give everyone an update. My most beautiful wife is really hurting! This is a lot worse than we expected. She hurts down deep in her bones. She can't eat or sleep. It's like the worst flu you've ever had; magnified by ten! Her spirits are very low and the prospect of going another three rounds is overwhelming. I wish there was something I (or anybody else) could do. We've experienced some difficult things before, but nothing like this. Cancer strips you of everything and leaves just the raw nerve endings exposed. What a horrible thing to have! As Lu and I have talked we've come to understand more of what others have gone through. We had great empathy for others before this, but we didn't understand. It's like having grandchildren; you think you know how much you'll love them, but you really don't until you have them. You just can't know. (Grandchildren are not like cancer!) We just didn't know what cancer was really like before this. We thought we did, but you can't really know until it hits your family. I can't even imagine what Lu is going through. I'm beginning to understand that not all the things we go through in life are to teach us some lesson or strengthen some weakness we may have. I think sometimes we just have to endure! Our biggest current prayer is that Lu will be able to endure the treatments and keep going. The bright spot in all of this continues to be the love we feel from so many people. Your expressions of love, the wonderful food, the phone calls and visits and your constant and continued prayers are sustaining us. I didn't fully understand how important it is to know that the Savior knows and loves Luann and I personally and intimately. There are so many moments during each day when the feelings of dread and overwhelming hopelessness seem to envelope us. Those are the times when we feel the loving arms or the Savior encircle us and hold us close. When we are ready to give up in despair we are reminded of that love and somehow we have the strength to carry on. I'm sure we will need those sweet hugs and gentle reminders more and more as we continue on our journey. I love my wife and am so blessed to have her as my best friend. Her spirit sustains me.