From Ken

I've hesitated to write before, but feel like I should take a few minutes and give everyone an update. My most beautiful wife is really hurting! This is a lot worse than we expected. She hurts down deep in her bones. She can't eat or sleep. It's like the worst flu you've ever had; magnified by ten! Her spirits are very low and the prospect of going another three rounds is overwhelming. I wish there was something I (or anybody else) could do. We've experienced some difficult things before, but nothing like this. Cancer strips you of everything and leaves just the raw nerve endings exposed. What a horrible thing to have! As Lu and I have talked we've come to understand more of what others have gone through. We had great empathy for others before this, but we didn't understand. It's like having grandchildren; you think you know how much you'll love them, but you really don't until you have them. You just can't know. (Grandchildren are not like cancer!) We just didn't know what cancer was really like before this. We thought we did, but you can't really know until it hits your family. I can't even imagine what Lu is going through. I'm beginning to understand that not all the things we go through in life are to teach us some lesson or strengthen some weakness we may have. I think sometimes we just have to endure! Our biggest current prayer is that Lu will be able to endure the treatments and keep going. The bright spot in all of this continues to be the love we feel from so many people. Your expressions of love, the wonderful food, the phone calls and visits and your constant and continued prayers are sustaining us. I didn't fully understand how important it is to know that the Savior knows and loves Luann and I personally and intimately. There are so many moments during each day when the feelings of dread and overwhelming hopelessness seem to envelope us. Those are the times when we feel the loving arms or the Savior encircle us and hold us close. When we are ready to give up in despair we are reminded of that love and somehow we have the strength to carry on. I'm sure we will need those sweet hugs and gentle reminders more and more as we continue on our journey. I love my wife and am so blessed to have her as my best friend. Her spirit sustains me.

Food sounds awful

I was able to go back to bed from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM today. That was great. Tracee called me to see how I was doing. I was still laying in bed and I felt pretty good. Then I got up and took my pills and that's when my day turned the other way. I felt lousy all day long. I went and got a shot at 1:30 to boost my white blood count. Then I came home and I've been laying down all day and evening. Food sounds awful. Some dear person left some groceries on out front step this evening. Thank you who every you are. I cried and have so much gratitude for the very kind people out there. This chemo thing is really hard. I can't believe how totally awful you can feel. I don't want to complain, it's just that I'm writing down my adventure. Oh by the way, the constipation problem is no longer a problem, at least not for today. Sorry if that is too much information. Every day there are tender mercies and I do a lot of crying. I feel so much love and prayers coming our way. Thank you all so much. I'm sending my love to you all.

Feeling awful

It's Tuesday morning at 2:19 AM and I just woke up. That is a good thing. That means that I have been asleep around 3 hours. That is more than I got last night. The steroid pills that I took on Sunday which helped me feel better and really enjoy my Sunday dinner also made it where I couldn't sleep. That's right, I didn't sleep a wink Sunday night. I had my 2nd chemo on Monday. I had two drugs given to me. We were there from 8 AM to 1:30 PM. When we got home I had a little lunch and went to lay down. I was able to sleep and rest about two hours which I was so grateful for. Then I got up and had a shower. The smell from the chemo just comes from my pores and makes me sick. It was so nice to wash that smell away. So I put on some make up and did my hair. It helped me feel better. Linda Hansen my Relief Society President in our ward brought a wonderful meal in to our family. She is so sweet and thoughtful. Our dear friends, Steve and Janet Rose, from our days in Harrisville came and visited with us. They are living in American Fork. We haven't talked with them face to face for months. But when we get together words just flow and it's so wonderful. They listen so well. And they share there lives with us back and I love to listen to them. They are truly eternal friends. Shawnee and Richard went to the store and picked up some things for me. Loni and Mark came by and visited. They both gave me the most wonderful foot massage and asked me how my day went. I felt so awful. I had a headache and my body just felt so bad. I took some ibuprofen and went to bed and was able to sleep for 3 hours. Huntsman infusion was so busy today. There are 31 possible places for infusion and Ken counted 27 places being used. My nurse was Gary and he told us he was to only male nurses there in the infusion. He loves working there and said being the only guy was not bad at all. He said it was the greatest team of nurses that he has ever worked with. There is no back biting and everyone communicates well and helps each other out. I can tell too. It is a great place. I had Deann put my IV in. I'm told I have hard veins to find so I was her challenge. It took her a few minutes but she finally found one. She said that the vein she chose rolled on her. It was on my left arm about two inches up from wrist on the right side. Once she got it into place it didn't hurt anymore. The chemo didn't burn like it did last week. The IV was in my right hand last week and it was really uncomfortable when to chemo was dripping through. I was in station 7B. It's in the northwest part of the room. There were some beautiful clouds floating by. While we were waiting for the labs and chemo I did my crying. Ken just held me and let me cry. He is so sweet. He is my rock and my strength. I love him so much. He is such a good man. I hope that I will be able to get some more sleep tonight. I'll go back and give it a try. Good Night.

Round 1, Day 7

Hello, Today has been a great day! I took a steroid pill this morning getting ready for my second chemo tomorrow. Let me tell you, I had more energy, I eat a wonderful Sunday dinner at tasted so good. It's so good to feel good and normal. I'm scared to death about the infusion tomorrow. I'm hoping that the steroids I take the next two days and the ant-nausea pills will keep the bad at bay. But for today, it's been a great day.

Constipation

Warning - If you don't like to read about personal things go to the next blog because I'm going to get personal. CONSTIPATION, Yes I said it. That is a side effect of chemo for me. My brother had the opposite effect. It got so bad last night that I had to go to the emergency room. It was a really busy night at the ER. We were there about 4 hours. To make a long story short a nurse named Julie is my hero. She dared to put on rubber gloves, a throw away gowned and eye shields to help me. After a oil based enema and waiting 5 minutes (which wasn't easy by the way) she helped me out. I told her "may you always be blessed for helping me". Shawnee and Richard stuck it out with me. Bless them forever. They also went many trips to the store getting enemas, Miralax, Magnesium Citrate, and Milk of Magnesia.I tried many of these before I went to the ER. By 8:00 a.m this morning the flood gates opened. I've been very close to the bathroom all day which I'm very grateful for. I have no dignity any more. It has been stripped from me. I am not looking forward to Monday. That is my 2nd infusion. I am really scared. Well, there you have it, my very personal journey of fighting cancer.

Round 1, Day 3

It's been three days since my first infusion. I didn't know what to expect but I have to say that I was a little surprised to feel yucky quite so soon. Monday night I could smell a bad smell coming from my pores. On Tuesday Sonja and went to Julians to record some more songs. We recorded - O my Father - O that I were an angel - I heard him come. I started feeling yucky about half way through recording. I came home and took the anti-nausea pills and laid down. I started to take them as prescribed (twice a day)and it has made a difference. I'm just on the verge of being sick but not quite there which I'm very thankful for. There aren't many foods that sound good to me. I have to be very careful what I eat. I have to say that I'm very nervous about day 8 infusion. I am supposed to take steroid pills the day before and day of and the day after infusion. The second drug that I will be given on Monday can make you very sick. Holy cow, I'm not looking forward to that at all. On Tuesday I'm scheduled to have a shot that will help with my red and white blood cells. The shot is very expensive so I'm not so sure I need that quite yet, but what do I know. What a journey. There are so many people fighting cancer and I haven't really known what they have been going through. My heart really goes out to little children and teens who have to go through this.

Chemo begins today

Today was the day. I relate it to going to the dentist when I was a little girl. I hated going to the dentist. I always had cavities and they had to be worked on. That meant a shot which I dreaded. I was anxious about today. I was told before hand by my doctor about what would happen but there is still the unknown. Ken and I got to the Huntsman Cancer Institute at 11:00 a.m. We went to the labs to have the IV put in and a blood draw. The blood goes to be tested to make sure that everything is okay for chemo. We met with Dr. Gouw and his staff and met the Social Worker and talked about a lot of things. Then we went to the infusion room and waited for the Pharmacy to mix the chemo drug. That is not done until the labs are back and you are physically sitting in the infusion room. It takes about and hour for that to come. So the chemo started around 2:30. The infusion room is incredible. It's this large half moon shaped room that has windows looking down on the Salt Lake Valley. It's really beautiful. There are many pods in there with partitions between the patients but still very open. There is a large reclining chair for the patient to sit in and I could bring up to two people to be with me. They asked if I would like a warm blanket which I really loved. There was a TV and DVD player for each pod. Shawnee came up to be with Ken and I which we really appreciated. When they started the drip I really got emotional. I cried for a while which helped me feel better. I was worried about Ken being hungry. He had gotten up early to go into work and hadn't had lunch. I was a little hungry so Shawnee went to the Bistro and picked up some food. The infusion took about 90 minutes. We got home around 5:30. When we got home there were some beautiful flowers with two balloons on the table. Kory and Tina had them sent to us. That really brightened my day. Mi Hui Wright provided a scrumptious dinner for us. Becky Goldhart came to visit and brought homemade whole wheat bread and raspberry jam. We had a great visit. I talked with many people on the phone and our children were here to love and cheer us on. It was a big day and we got through it. I am so blessed. My cup runneth over.

Chemo Day #1

Mom did her 1st infusion of chemotherapy today at Huntsman. Look at that smile :) She is AMAZING!

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to the BEST FATHER EVER! We love you dearly!

Recording Day

Today was a fabulous day. I got to spend the whole day with my wonderful husband. We traveled to South Ogden to record our songs. We met with Julian at his incredible recording studio. We recorded many of the duets that we have sung together through the years. Can't help falling in love with you - Grow old with me - Wedding Song - Let it be me - You'll never walk alone. Ken recorded these solos - Could I have this dance - Have I told you lately that I love you - I loved her first. Then he recorded his track on the family songs that we had recorded on Monday while he was working. Lazy Sands - Long line of love - Beautiful Savior. It was just a dream come true for me. Recording our songs has been something that I have wanted to do for many years. I just can't express enough how much I enjoyed it. I am so blessed in so many ways. I have an amazing husband and we love singing together. We have children that support us and want us to sing together. And my in-laws that want us to record those songs. We are far from good but we had a great time. Thank you to one and all who had anything to do with arranging this.

Winchester's

Grandpa & Mom

Aunt Janine, Uncle Kelly, Grandpa, Uncle Paul, Aunt Sandra, Mom

Uncle Kelly, Grandpa, Uncle Paul, Mom

We are Recording!!

Monday June 11 all of my daughters and Jason went to Julians Recording Studio in South Ogden. Russell and Mark watched the granddaughters at the park. Grandma and Grandpa Kennington so graciously are paying for it. Loni had the fabulous idea to make a family CD. I loved the idea right off. It is something that I have wanted to do for a long time but too scared to do it. Loni worked for days getting everything arranged and it wasn't easy. We recorded "Beautiful Savior", "Lazy Sands", "Long line of Love", "Jesus the very thought of Thee". Jason played the guitar on two of the songs. Our good family friend, Sonja Sperling, played the piano for us on the others. Shawnee recorded, "Come to Jesus", and I recorded "Oh that I were an Angel". We just had such a great time. Our men can come at other times and record there tracks. Julians recording studio is awesome and he was so much fun to work with. Ken and Keeth and Kayleen recorded their CD about twenty years ago with him. Sonja and I were scheduled to go today and record some songs but I got the stomach flu yesterday and had to cancel. Ken and I are scheduled to go tomorrow and record our duets and Ken will record his voice on the family songs. Thank you Mom and Dad Kennington for making this possible. It's a dream come true for me.

Sunday's

Sunday was a great day. I went to church for the first time in 5 weeks. It was so wonderful to be there. I have really missed it. There is just such a strength I get from being there. Loni had arranged for your family to have pictures taken from 5-7 p.m. at Liberty Park. Luke Hansen, so graciously, was our photographer. He is really great. He's so fun with the kids and very professional. I think that the pictures are going to really turn out great. We went back to our house and practiced songs for the family CD. We are going to be recording many songs this coming week. Loni had this great idea to record a Kennington Family CD. What a great idea. She has worked so hard getting this all arranged. It's been really frustrating but it's all coming together and it will be worth it. The Broadheads, (Jenny's sweet little family) came up special just for pictures and to sing. It was such a sacrifice for them to come up at this time. I love my family so much. What a great blessing they all are to me. Saturday we met with my brother Kelly and his wife Janine. They came over from Loveland CO to visit. We had a family dinner and Paul and Sandra church. It was so wonderful to be there with my Dad and many of our children and grandchildren. Family is just so important. I draw a lot of strength from my family.

Results are in

Update on Mom. We met with her chemotherapy doctor, Dr. Gouw, at Huntsman today. Her PET scan showed a 1 millimeter spot on her lung they want to watch. I guess the lungs are the most common place for this type of cancer to spread to. They aren't sure if that's just part of how she looks or something to be concerned about. They also showed some "metabolic activity" around her uterus area but think it's inflammation from her surgery but they'll watch that as well. Otherwise, no signs of cancer. YEAH!!! Still, due to the size of her tumor and that it was quickly developing they gave her somewhere between a 40%-80% likelihood that it could reoccur so they recommend chemotherapy to treat it. She decided that she would pursue that and will receive her first treatment on June 18th. She'll receive a total of 4 treatments and the treatments will be 3 weeks each. It is expected that she will have side effects like fatigue, hair loss, and nausea but I guess each person responds differently. We had a great experience with her new Doctor and treatment team members Melissa & Katie. It's scary to think about facing chemotherapy and I hate words like re-occurrence, but we're glad to have some answers and direction.

Waiting..

This is Loni. Just thought give an update that we're still waiting on test results from Mom's PET scan. She has an appointment on Wednesday so hopefully we'll get some information then. Waiting is not fun but we're sure enjoying each other as much as we can. We had a fun family game night last night and no one even ripped any cards :) We're looking forward to having Uncle Kelly & Aunt Janine and Jenny & Russ and their sweet girls come for visits in the coming week.

Thanks to all who are following this blog and offering support to my sweet Mom and family at this time. It's hard times for sure and your faith, prayers, and good wishes help lift us a great deal.

Today at 9:30 a.m. I had the appointment for the PET scan. My dear husband was scheduled to work 9:30 - 6:30. He went in yesterday and they worked it out so he could go in at 6:00 a.m. He came home and got me just before 9:00. He wanted to be with me which I appreciate so much. I didn't sleep well last night. I guess I was pretty nervous. He didn't sleep well either. I know he was nervous. The Huntsman Cancer Institute is such a wonderful place. We drove up to valet service and they were so kind. Everyone there treated us so great. Ken couldn't go back with me. I went back and was put into a room that had a large recliner chair in it. I sat down and the first thing was to get an IV started. The nurse was really good. It wasn't easy to find a vein. It didn't hurt at all. She put a saline solution and the radio active solution in. Then they had me drink portions and this other solution. They put a warm blanket on me and turned down the lights and closed the door. I sat there and started to cry. It's a new adventure that we're starting. She came in about every 20 minutes to ask me drink a little more. It was a total of around 32 oz. of this stuff in a 75 minute time frame. Then it was time to go to the PET scan. That procedure took about 25 minutes. So the whole process took 2 1/2 hours. I was done at noon. My good husband read a book in the waiting room while he waited for me. I was asked to drink a lot of water today to flush all of the stuff out of my system. What an incredible time we live in to have these things available to us. We came home a had a little lunch and Ken went back to work.

Yesterday I went to my doctor because I felt like I had an infection. She started me on an antibiotic. Tomorrow I have an appointment to have a PET scan at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. The unknown is scary. Will I have a clean scan or will there be cancer somewhere else. What have I been doing that may have caused the cancer to grow. What can I do to help it not grow any more. I know that everything we go through is for our good and help us be better people. I just feel so confused right now. I feel a lot of love around me. My family has been so wonderful. And our ward and friends have been so unbelievable. I feel my Saviors love all around me.